“I miss you” season is nigh

Winter is coming. You heard it here first. The sky is blue and black, mulled wine is coming back and that neighbour you can’t stand has his house all decked out with lights and a minature Santa flashing on the roof. It’s also when the feelings of dread and loneliness hits those suseptible to the “winter blues”. Maybe sitting on your coach tussled up in your warmest blankets listening to Frank Ocean on repeat isn’t enough and you’re craving a companion to help you make it through the winter. Yes, “I miss you”season has hit and it’s time for another year where you’re targeted by the Lonely.

Bootycalls are coming so hard you can’t keep up with all the “Yo you up? I need a cuddle -insert unblinking eyes emoji-” and it’s giving you a headache having to free your phone storage. It’s hard to fathom that a little cold weather instantly turns men into horny teenagers but it’s happening. Suddenly a season is being used as an excuse to fornicate with every Tom, Dick and Harry on Tinder.

Let’s not forget the men who use winter as an excuse to target the emotionally vulnerable. That ex you keep trying to shake off? Suddenly he’s suggesting Winter Wonderland dates where you can wonder around bustling markets holding his hand while you attempt to take cutesy couple pictures. Seems innocent enough. How about that friend who has been attempting to escape the ‘friend-zone’ for months but you’ve been escaping his clutches every time? Ice Skating Between Friends starts off sinlessly but he’s grabbing you everytime you nearly fall, trying to take your hand at every occasion and that mistletoe you both walked past looks very conveniently placed.

Friends this is the time to remain painfully aware. Emotions will be driving you crazy. Especially seeing photos of perfect couples on Instagram documenting a perfect Winter of Love where everything is perfect and you have no reason to feel lonely or alone. But we must fight these feelings and curve the preying men on sight. Winter will pass and you will still be lonely and single and that’s okay. There’s always Spring.

Oh the joy of being a human.

We’re repulsive, sadistic, narcissistic beings. We hurt each other and bitch about each other and lie to each other and oh gosh, the list is endless. I’m not saying we’re all monsters. There’s always a sort of ‘yin’ and ‘yang’ type of construction in our personality. Yes we’re horrible but we can be lovely at the same time. Even the ‘monsters’ have a shred of humanity. Even the ‘angels’ have a hateful bone in their body. Life isn’t black and white but technicolor. That guy who seems to be ‘Mr Popular’? He’s probably the loneliest person in the room. The girl who seems to have everything? She’s crying at night. We judge all the time without really realising what people are going through. We’re extremely shallow people with unrealistic expectations. 
“I want a really hot guy with a six pack who’s taller than me because ew short guys and he has to be romantic and funny…” “I want a really beautiful girl with a good personality who’s curvy but has a flat stomach and she has to have sex with me but she can’t be a slut” Do you see the problem? I once met this girl and this guy in a group who kept flirting with each other and obviously liked each other. Once I got the girl on her own I asked her what the deal was with him. She admitted she liked him and when I told her to “go for it”, know what she said? She replied that his “facebook profile picture was too ugly”. Um okay. I was like o.O. What happened to just wanting to be with someone because they made you happy? We all have these completely unnecessary preferences that we think define happiness. Well I have news for you people. It doesn’t.