8 things we learnt about Lockdown through the Memes/GIFs

    1. Your Sleeping pattern will cease to exist



via GIPHY

4 AM is the new 11 PM. Sleeping before midnight is now an urban myth. You will get haunted by the Insomnia ghost and suddenly you have the urge to watch a movie, do a home manicure, go over your regrets from 2010 -2020 and watch videos of funny cats on YouTube.

2. On the other hand, you can’s stop sleeping. Waking up and every day turning out the same is getting boring real quick. Might as well lucid dream to get away from this shit.

via GIPHY

3. “Don’t be a COVIDIODIOT” – Aka, stay indoors, stop having parties/gatherings, this is not the time to be social. So if Tyler wants to drop by the off license with 20 of his friends to pick up a multipack of Strongbow dark fruits to drink in the park together – SAY NO

via GIPHY

4. It’s okay to feel burntout and lost right now and just wanting to crawl in your bed and play Animal Crossing and The Sims all day long. Don’t let those people who are pressuring you to upskill/apply to jobs/redecorate your house dictate your lockdown experience. Read that book you never got time to read. Play the video games gathering dust. Watch the movie.

via GIPHY

5. I don’t know what it is but all of a sudden people are turning into Mary Berry and using this time to make all the crumbles/pies/pastries you can think of. It’s like a game of cat and mouse though everytime you go to the supermarket since flour is always missing. And toilet rolls. Which brings me to my next point.

via GIPHY

6. Toilet paper nearly went extinct at one point. Some stupid people thought it was an apocalypse and not a pandemic and bought masses of toilet paper. You greedy fuckers there are lots of people who are struggling to find toilet paper because of you. I hope you all step on logo xoxox P.s. well done to those people who aren’t hogging toilet paper, this meme is for you!

via GIPHY

7. Lockdown is weird. Without a purpose everyday begins to feel like Groundhog day. I can’t remember what the date is half the time. You just know this pandemic is going to be mentioned in future GCSE history exams.

via GIPHY

 

 

One thing I have been grateful for during Lockdown has definitely been the memes and the overall humour of the situation. If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry.

What’s been the best meme you’ve seen during lockdown? Let me know x

Twitter/Instagram: Naveeshaaa

People you see on Instagram: Millenial Edition

People you see on Instagram: Millenial Edition

Aloha! I thought I’d start 2020 with a ‘fun’ post on Instagram stereotypes. Before anyone who this post targets come for my neck, it’s a joke so live laugh love people.

VSCO Pro’s: Super chic with a capital C. Thinks the right filter makes the photo look deep. Favours a black and white cityscape. Wants to move to Paris,obviously. They won’t shut up about the fact they used Tumblr before it went mainstream.

giphy

 

Soft boys: Selfies with eccentric captions. Will comment on your photo with “👀”. Will take selfies while lighting a spliff incase no one knew he smoked weed. Shares his taste in music through Instastories repeatedly.

Influenzaaaas: Internet version of Influenza. Influencers will use the ‘gram to plug everything from hair extensions to weight loss drinks (judging you). Their selfies all look immaculate, they know how to werk that pose and their posts are glamorous but very dull. They probably order lemon and herb at Nandos. #cheekyspon

giphy-5

Huji girls: VSCO girls but less original. Incense and yoga and half lit photos with seductive hair and captions that have no relation to the post. Has at least two finstas and one of them is a poetry account. Carries around their polaroid everywhere.

Hard boys: Captions photos of their new whip with Drake lyrics. Always trying to rope you into a pyramid scheme. Will comment “👀” on your photos. Type to post a shirtess selfie and write a caption about the fact he’s done trusting people

giphy-1l

Boomeranger: Self explanatory. Boomerangs favoured include: Bath bombs dropping into a bath, drinks clinking together, car radio, etc

Travel basics: They’re going away and they want you to know it. Their name written in sand with a heart? Tick. Unimaginitive airplane wing? Tick. Hot-dog legs at the beach? Another tick. A photo with a drugged tiger? Stop being basic and enjoy your holiday please x #CatchFlightsNotFeelings

Gym junkies: Viewing someone’s workout is like writing a grocery list. Everyone does it but no one cares to see yours. Or something. We think it’s great that you hit your targets !! But we don’t care. Put away the sweaty selfies please.

All About The Aesthetic: ThEy foLloW a ThEme. Favours instagram worthy shots of pastel paradise locations such as Élan cafe or Peggy Poschen. Think sugar, spice and all things nice.

giphy-4

 

Are there any other types of Instagrammers you love to hate? Let me know!

If you want even more basicness, follow me on Instagram: @Naveeshaaa

 

 

 

 

Netflix and “let’s procrastinate”

It’s that time after New Years where you’re in a state of zen and duvet bliss (after your new gym induction and motivational run of course) and what better idea than to switch on the ol’ Netflix and have a gander at the new shows which are all gripping the world at the moment. That and the memes which have been dominating Twitter.

(Mild Spoilers ahead)

Black Mirror: Bandersnatch

I was eager and waiting when Netflix delivered the latest instalment of Black Mirror. It takes the form of an interactive story complete with choices that lead you to multiple endings. The path the story takes is down to you as you play as the main character, Stefan. Stefan hopes to create his own video game, aptly titled ‘Bandersnatch’. But it seems the game is playing him rather than the other way round…

You should also bear in mind that you have to unlock certain endings to replay different scenes to get alternative endings. The first choice is significant and boils down to what kind of cereal you like. *Sugar Puffs over Frosties till I die*

Some endings are humorous. Some are traumatic. And some are just downright weird. But it all boils down to the same thing. You get to ruin a young man’s life for your own entertainment. Poor Stefan.

 

stefan crazy gif.gif

 

You

Think of it as Gossip Girl Gone Wild. The narrative follows Penn Badgeley’s character Joe who starts off as an ordinary guy in a bookstore. Pretentious? Check. Slightly awkward? Check. We hear the story through his inner monologue which is constantly running, telling the classic boy meets girl love story as he meets love interest Guinevere Beck. Tame enough right? Except his observations are a bit too intrusive and thoughts turn into actions and well…he tips over to crazy psycho stalker. I won’t say any more but…eeeks.

 

joe you gif.gif

 

Look at that smile!

 

 

“I miss you” season is nigh

Winter is coming. You heard it here first. The sky is blue and black, mulled wine is coming back and that neighbour you can’t stand has his house all decked out with lights and a minature Santa flashing on the roof. It’s also when the feelings of dread and loneliness hits those suseptible to the “winter blues”. Maybe sitting on your coach tussled up in your warmest blankets listening to Frank Ocean on repeat isn’t enough and you’re craving a companion to help you make it through the winter. Yes, “I miss you”season has hit and it’s time for another year where you’re targeted by the Lonely.

Bootycalls are coming so hard you can’t keep up with all the “Yo you up? I need a cuddle -insert unblinking eyes emoji-” and it’s giving you a headache having to free your phone storage. It’s hard to fathom that a little cold weather instantly turns men into horny teenagers but it’s happening. Suddenly a season is being used as an excuse to fornicate with every Tom, Dick and Harry on Tinder.

Let’s not forget the men who use winter as an excuse to target the emotionally vulnerable. That ex you keep trying to shake off? Suddenly he’s suggesting Winter Wonderland dates where you can wonder around bustling markets holding his hand while you attempt to take cutesy couple pictures. Seems innocent enough. How about that friend who has been attempting to escape the ‘friend-zone’ for months but you’ve been escaping his clutches every time? Ice Skating Between Friends starts off sinlessly but he’s grabbing you everytime you nearly fall, trying to take your hand at every occasion and that mistletoe you both walked past looks very conveniently placed.

Friends this is the time to remain painfully aware. Emotions will be driving you crazy. Especially seeing photos of perfect couples on Instagram documenting a perfect Winter of Love where everything is perfect and you have no reason to feel lonely or alone. But we must fight these feelings and curve the preying men on sight. Winter will pass and you will still be lonely and single and that’s okay. There’s always Spring.

12 things in my life scarier than your usual Halloween shit

1. Student debt – more than £30K worth. Can I get a hell yeah?

2. Couple costumes – No we don’t want to see you both dressed up in cutesy little matching Fred and Velma. It maketh me sicketh.

3. The term “slaps”. Like “this song really slaps”. It sounds like something your Dad would say while trying to sound cool.

4. My crippling depression. Yeah 🙂

5. The current USA gun crisis. I am fucking terrified.

6. Adulting. When does it start to feel natural? How do you do know if you’re doing it right? Can you return it without a receipt?

7. My bank account. All those minuses 😉

8. Jamie Oliver. NOTHING IS SACRED ANYMORE

9. My nightmares. Complex, scary shit that would send my dear Freud in a tizzy.

10. The term “Social media influencers”. Sounds a bit like brainwashers beaming hypnotic vibes out to us. You-must-buy-this-weightloss-milkshake

Perks guide to freshers: Do’s and Don’ts!

Perks guide to freshers: Do’s and Don’ts!

Okay, so some of of you may start university this September/October and may need some handy hints and tips. I am aware said post may be pretty late for some, most  but look okay I’ve been busy…I’m still writing about this past year in my drafts okay, cut me some slack…

So…drum roll please!! Here’s my guide to Freshers: the ultimate two weeks of beer chugging, excessive spending and general madness before you immerse yourself in lectures and reading lists.

  1. The first thing you do after you pack? Go and meet your flatmates obviously! You really don’t want to be known as the Awkward Annie that just cowered in their room the whole time…go say HI. GO. *gives you a little push*
  2. Keep a door wedge. It’ll prove handy.
  3. Don’t shit where you eat
  4. Don’t buy expensive kitchenware and cutlery. Shit will go missing. Trust me.
  5. First impressions do count but at the end of the year they will have completely overturned. My first impressions of everyone I met this year have nearly all changed
  6. A student loan and overdraft is not a handout from the Gods. You will need to pay it back. The debt will increase and increase and soon you’ll be living on Toast for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. And you won’t even have enough for butter.
  7. Don’t shit where you eat
  8. It’s normal to want to go all out and spend every day partying and in a drunken stupor so hard that you’ll be a burbling mess half the night but learn to take it easy too. Freshers flu is a thing. Look after yourself.
  9. If you don’t drink then don’t despair. There will be stuff going on for non drinkers: take advantage of them!
  10. It’s a good idea to get the academic stuff sorted out too by checking reading lists, making sure you’ve enrolled on your modules etc
  11. Don’t shit where you eat – no seriously, sleeping with a flatmate is the worst idea ever. Unless you want it to be awkward for the remainder of the year.
  12. Get involved in as much as you can!! Before you get overwhelmed with work!!
  13. Enjoy ya’self hunnies 🙂

10 Types of People you See on Snapchat

 

Snapchat. A form of social media in which users allow the world to view pictures or videos for up to fifteen seconds at a time and then –poof- it’s gone, stored in one’s memory (unless you take a screenshot of course).

Ever since the widely used application first released in 2011, teenagers and young people alike have been addicted as it gives them the need to share every crazy, quick paced moment of their life with the world and if that wasn’t enough for you, you can view it for an unlimited number of times for 24 hours.
Snapchat may have its perks but it also quite regrettably, has its disadvantages and there are certain types of people who will just quite manage to irk you…

1. The “Night Out Maestro”
If you’re not having a good night out then fear not, this person will show you just what exactly you’re missing out on– in the form of a 200 second snap which is basically a (usually quite drunken) video montage of them showing you the exhilarating albeit messy process of ‘avin a good night out’ to put it accurately. About ninety nine percent of the time the snap story starts from the onset of the ‘pre drinks’ in which the person’s objective is to endorse alcohol as much as they can. Jack Daniels, Wine, Whisky, Disaranno…the list is endless. Then come the actual club photos and gosh, what a sight. First of all it’s a selfie competition made up of girls frantically stabbing themselves with their six inch heels in order to appear the tallest and a savage, bloodthirsty fight to the death in order to obtain the best lighting. It becomes evident when the alcohol has kicked in when blurry ten second videos where a phone appears to randomly jab up and down in every direction of the whole ‘squad’ dancing emerge. We get it, you’re on a ‘wild night out’ and feel the need to share your every second with the world just in case they aren’t having a ‘wild night out’ instead. For heaven’s sake, why do you think professional photographers trawl these clubs to willingly take pictures? It’s so you’re not glued to your phone all night.

2. The “I Must Document Every Second Of My Life And You’ll Endure It” Expert
Have they uploaded a snapstory today? Is the Pope Catholic? Yes and yes. They will upload absolutely every meticulous detail of their life which (after 100 seconds precisely) will make you want to tear every bit of your hair out. Oh its 9 AM, time for a breakfast bagel to show the world what I like to eat in the mornings. Then a quick selfie with the appropriate caption i.e. ‘Going to Grandma’s” just in case they didn’t know you were going to visit her that specific day. Following that a precisely, constructed picture of an assortment of textbooks to show that 4 PM is revision ‘o’ clock. Add in another selfie for good measure as you wouldn’t want your audience forgetting you exist. Lastly a few shots of your evening meal and then some again of your revision notes just in case everyone forgot that you were planning on hitting the books that day. What Snapchat is to them, oxygen is to us.

3. The “Wannabe Model”
This type of character loves selfies. Like loooooves them. They won’t let you forget it either. Sultry pose? Check. Immaculate, (usually heavily contoured) skin? Check? Beauty enhancing filter that somehow manages to wipe out their every flaw and cause you to view them in the perfect light (pun intended)? Check. You have yourself the Selfie Master. They will take on any opportunity to flaunt their perfect face and will do so multiple times as they hold on to the belief that the World and its Children has the inescapable desire to see them whether it be five times a day or fifty. Optional irrelevant captions such as “The weather is lovely” completing a photo of their new bouffant hair style is also an additional detail.

4. The “Emotional Wreck”.
Accompanied by a ‘black screen of death’, one’s snapchat is heavily detailed with a few select emojis (namely the grimacing one) and a hyperbolic statement with the tone of a passive aggressive thirteen year old whose parents said no to them buying yet another video game console. Usually – but not always – is conveyed by a bitter ex-girlfriend with an ambiguous statement that goes something like “So done with boys”. A dramatic statement is key and if it doesn’t sound like the emotional workings of a toddler having a tantrum then you’re not doing it right

5. The “Filterographer”
Filters are their Kryptonite. On Wednesdays they wear pink. That is, the pink cheeked, cherub headed filter that appears to ‘angelify’ into a vision of cuteness. Another day, another feature put to good use. A spot of sepia tint to appear melodramatic. Perhaps an embodiment of a puppy to show off your paws. Or an uninspiring face swap guaranteed to make people laugh. That is, after they forget about the first two hundred face swaps you took last week in your snapchat induced high as you discovered a new filter you could get your hands on. By the time it gets to the end of the week you’re sick of seeing the constant assemblage of multi-coloured facial features and random tears springing down a face. Suddenly old fashioned Polaroid photos don’t seem such a bad idea after all; at least they’re not a constant eyesore to look at.
6. The “Sky Muse”
Looking out of your window to check the weather is so last century. Why not just check your snapchat instead? Eleven times out of ten you’ll see a generic image of the sky on your feed and eleven times out of ten it’s usually taken by those that put “Aspiring photographer” in their Twitter bio. Bonus points if it is a sunset. Triple points if it manages to capture the sky in an assortment of breath taking colours that somehow the amateur photographer cannot do justice to. It only counts if it’s longer than ten seconds because you never know when the last time we see a sunset will be.

7. The “Political Platform”
This type of person has opinions. Big ones. They need to share them with the world. Immediately. There’s no better option (or platform) than snapchat; you’ll be so immersed in what they have to say that you will be frantically jabbing at your phone to skip forward to their next snap as they continue debating about how racism is still prevalent in our society or why McDonalds’ fries are better than Burger Kings (they’re crispy and crispy fries always win). Opinions will usually range on the completely idiotic to the painstakingly controversial side of things and you are forced to endure it.

8. The “Match.Com” Promoter

This snap chatter follows the same format as the “Night Out” Maestro but instead of viewing their uninspiring adventures at a night club you are forced to endure them on their date night with their partners, respectably. Be it overwhelmingly sickening selfies with their significant other with optional captions like “2 weeks with the love of my life” or mind numbingly boring videos of a couple going about their daily routine, this particular person will not stop in the non-existent race to show the world that their relationship is front page news. They want to remind the world that yes, love exists and they are in love of course and they want to show you the dynamics behind a successful relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that at all but unfortunately, showing us your ‘behind the scenes’ footage makes us want to throw up a little in our mouth.

(originally published in Rebel Magazine 2016)